A few years ago, I found myself in the middle of a move I didn’t feel ready for. To make matters more complicated, I was navigating a back injury that sent sharp lines of sciatica down my leg with every box I tried to tape shut. I was tired, I was in pain, and I was scared. Naturally, I reached for the tools I thought I was supposed to use. I started reciting positive phrases to myself, trying to “affirm” my way into a different reality. I told myself I was strong, that the move would be easy, and that the pain wasn’t there.
It felt like a lie because it was. I realized that simply repeating words wasn’t the same as shifting your perspective.
The Wind and the House: Shifting Your Perspective
Most conventional affirmations are an attempt to change the weather. We stand in the middle of a gale and try to convince ourselves the air is still. We tell ourselves the move will be effortless or the injury will vanish if we just say the right words. This is exhausting because it puts our peace of mind at the mercy of things we cannot control. It’s like trying to stop the wind with your bare hands.
There is a different way to use these statements. Instead of trying to stop the wind, we focus on steadying the house.
When I caught myself propping my ego up with those hollow affirmations, I realized I was caught in The Tightening. I was trying to negotiate with my circumstances so I could feel okay. The shift happened when I stopped trying to change the fact that I was moving with a bad back and started looking at the Should Fog I had created around it. I wasn’t just in pain; I was judging myself for being in pain. I was telling myself I should be stronger or that this shouldn’t be happening.
Practicing The Return
When you are in the middle of a crisis—whether it’s a physical injury or a chaotic move—shifting your perspective can feel like an impossible task. We often think we have to “think positive” to make the pain go away. But the real Internal Pivot happens when we stop fighting the wind and start looking at the mind that is experiencing it.
This is what I call The Return. It is the moment you realize you are caught in The Tightening and choose to step back. You aren’t pretending the boxes aren’t heavy; you are simply refusing to let the Self-Judge tell you that your worth is tied to how fast you can move them.
To help you find this headspace, I often recommend listening to something that mirrors the Steadiness we are looking for. Satie’s Gymnopédie No. 1 is a perfect example. It doesn’t try to be exciting or loud; it just stays steady, much like the mind we are trying to cultivate.
As you navigate your own version of “the move,” remember that you don’t need to fix the world to find peace. You only need to change the lens. To help you navigate these shifts, I’ve put together a Shared Language Guide that explains the tools we use to work with the mind. You can download it on my “How I Can Help” page.
Finding Your Own Steadiness
If you feel like you’re constantly trying to “affirm” your way out of a life that feels too heavy, you aren’t alone. We all get caught in the Should Fog from time to time. But you don’t have to stay there.
If you’re ready to move beyond the “positive thinking” trap and build a steadier way of being with your own mind, I’d be glad to help. Whether we work together and take a closer look at how your mind operates or simply share a conversation about where you feel stuck, the goal is always the same: returning to the peace that is already there.
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